Creating Authentic Self Esteem: Step 1 Unconditional Love

Unconditional Love  
The first moment a baby opens her eyes and gazes into her mother’s eyes unconditional self love begins. When the infant is comforted when upset, fed when hungry, held and rocked the infant learns on a pre verbal level that she is worthy. As the baby learns and grows, she begins to push the envelope of moving away from Mom/ Dad. She runs across the room but looks back over her shoulder, “Are they still there? “ Yes they are and they are smiling!

As the child matures this envelope gets bigger and bigger but yet home base is still there. In this way, a secure attachment is formed that encourages, confidence, curiosity exploration and appropriate risk taking which leads to more self esteem in the world.

The late Maurice Sendak expressed this concept beautifully in his book “Where the Wild Things Are”. The little boy in the story left home, voyaged to a land where monsters threw a somewhat scary, yet fun party. But in the end he returns home to his own bed with dinner waiting.

For some of us, there was no loving gaze at that moment of our birth. Caretakers may not have been there or may have been inconsistently. Too little control and the child doesn’t know where home is. Too much control and curiosity and confidence are stifled. Of course, no one experiences perfect parenting. All of us had parents who were human beings first, before being our parents, with strengths and weaknesses. All of us were either abandoned at times and given too much freedom which led to trauma of some sort, or too tightly controlled or both. But for many of us it was “good enough” and so we ended up with “good enough” self esteem. Of course, more appropriate self worth is always good!

So if we did not develop enough unconditional love or want more what can we do? There are two ways we can cultivate Self Love :

1. Inner Child Work

2. Connection to Spirit

Inner Child Meditation:

All of us were children at one point so all of us have an inner child. This child lives in our sub conscious mind. It surprisingly easy to contact this child through an easy and simple meditation.

• · Sit or lay down.

• · Make sure your environment is safe, quiet and comfortable.

• · Take in several deep breaths. Rest your hand on your belly and feel your belly rise on the inhale and fall on the exhale.

• · Allow your eyes to close

• · Simply ask for your inner child to appear.  

You may speak out loud or just ask silently in your own mind. If you are not a particularly visual person, you may want a photo of yourself as a child that you can look at before you close your eyes. After a bit, images of yourself as a child. may appear or just one image. Or you may just have a feeling , a knowing that your inner child is there. Or you may hear her. It is possible that you may have no sense that your inner child is there. That’s fine. You will develop the ability to contact this part of yourself if you practice. But be assured that she is listening.

• · Talk to the inner child.  

Tell her that she is loved just as she is, she is precious and whole. She doesn’t have to do anything, or be anything to receive this love.
The inner child may be scared of you and run away and that’s fine. She may want to be near but not touched. She may not appear at all but she still hears you. She may want to listen for a while then run away. She may run into your arms. Whatever the inner child wants to do is fine. You are beginning a relationship and like any relationship trust takes a while.
 Of course, if the inner child tells you she wants to eat an entire chocolate cake or do anything destructive, it is the job of the adult self i.e. YOU to say no just like you would to your own child.

• Bring her into your heart and Listen Breathe into your physical heart and see there  there. Tell her she is now safe and that you are listening. Ask her if there is anything she wants or needs. Listen to what she says. She may send you message later...in dream or anytime you are quiet.

• · Close by thanking your inner child. Tell her you will be back. Thank yourself for taking the time to connect more deeply inside.

This meditation may take 5 min. or or as long as you would like. Personally, I take about 5-10min. every couple of days either in the morning before or I get up, or at night as I am falling asleep. It keeps me on an even keel, and feeling good.

It is very important to note that if you have had significant trauma, abuse, neglect as a child this may not be a safe or comfortable process. In that case, you NEED to contact a therapist to work with you on this so that you are not alone.


Your ability to connect with this child, improves as your practice. As your connection grows you will experience more and more unconditional love for self and others. You will find that you will naturally feel more peace and happiness, more playful, less judgemental of self and others. You will find you just have a innate feeling that the world is good, you are good and so is everyone else!

Make a commitment to only good things to yourself about yourself!
Sue Schmidt C.HT, CMT
www.healingmeditations.net
healingmeditations1@gmail.com

Next time.....Connect to Spirit!!

**Note: I have used the pronoun “she” because it is easier than he/she. Obviously, either could apply.