Transitions: Meditation on Moms Passing
After a long experience with Alzheimers, my mom passed away on Jan. 25 of this year. Her quality of life had been very poor-she didn't recognize anyone, was in diapers, couldn't move or talk. So in some ways her passing was expected and even hoped for.
My sister called mid morning ont the 25th and said she was gone. I felt a sudden and very intense physical sensation. I literally had to sit down. I felt immediately that I was in altered state. My desire to meditate was very strong. I didn't want to talk to anyone or tell anyone I just wanted to mediate.
As I meditated I went into a waking dream. The outer world disappeared, altho unlike a dream, I knew where I was and that I was awake. It was just that the inner vision I was seeing was stronger than the external sensory input.
I saw my mom as a little girl and heard children laughing. She was running in a field of tall gold grass. The sun was shinning. Across the field was a group of people waving to her and calling her. Their faces were grayed out and I could just make out shapes. I know one of the shapes was a woman and for some reason I had the feeling it was her mother, my grandmother.
My mom as a little girl was laughing, excited and running with all her might. It was a joyful excited feeling. I felt as if life was starting over for her, that everything was possible for her once again. There was a great feeling of freedom and expansion. I "saw" a limitless blue sky and heard children laughing. The sense of freedom and joy was intense.
The vision only lasted a few minutes or maybe less and then was gone. My body felt diffuse and expanded and I remained in an altered states for a few days. The next time I sat to meditate I tried to connect with her and felt nothing at all. It was if she were just completely gone. When I went home to Los Angeles and went in her room I had the same experience-that there was just nothing left of her.
The Buddhists talk about death being the "Great Liberator" I have never really known what that meant, but now have an inkling of what that might mean.
I would love to hear any stories/experiences you may have of people passing.
Best,
Sue
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ReplyDeleteI offer my heartfelt condolences to your an your family, Sue. I can somewhat understand your feelings surrounding your mother's Alzheimers as I experienced similar feelings during my grandmother's final years. It's wonderful to hear of your waking dream after learning of the news and your later insight into the Great Liberator. Thanks for sharing your experience!
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